Roethlisberger obviously failed to consult this very basic fedora flowchart.
WASHINGTON—Finally conceding it is unrealistic to expect today’s children to complete a pull-up, run a mile, or touch their toes, the President’s Council on Fitness, Sports, and Nutrition announced Tuesday the new standard for winning its award would be the ability to eat a meal without breaking a sweat. “In our revised physical fitness test, a meal is placed in front of a child, and the longer he or she is able to eat without wheezing or needing to lie down, the higher the score,” said executive director Shellie Pfohl, adding that children who complete the meal in the fastest amount time without shifting around in their seat to make their pants fit more comfortably will be eligible for the top medal. “We want our kids to set more pragmatic, real-world goals for themselves, and being able to run back and forth across a basketball court one time is no longer realistic.” At press time, elementary school student Henry Walters was on his fourth helping of mashed potatoes as his obese classmates cheered for him to keep going.
Gotta’ love The Onion.
5+ gallons of beer, several bottles of wine, champagne, all the standard varieties of hard liquor and close to 100 sparklers.
Shit is going to get awesome tonight.
Passed four FEMA exams this morning.
I’m not trying to brag.
Just want to let everyone know that I’m ready to manage the shit out of a disaster.
So far the only thing I’ve accomplished this morning is not coming up with an excuse to leave the office and head home.
Man, I had no idea how much I like eggnog and rum.
Seems like a good one to close out the work day on.
Goddamn it. The best Festivus video on YouTube has the embed disabled.
Looks like I know who is going to be on the top of my list when it’s time for the airing of grievances later.
The fact that I’ve typed the following so many times in the last day that I’ve now memorized it will make my life easier for future user migrations but it also makes me want to punch someone in the face.
loadstate e:\User /c /mu:domain1\oldusername:domain1\newusername /i:migapp.xml /i:miguser.xml /i:migdocs.xml /v:13 /l:load.log
Charlie Logic: 5x02 The Gang Hits the Road
